i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
