you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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