My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
