You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize