Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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