I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
