i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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