Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
