I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
