i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
