We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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