So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
There are leaves in my underwear?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
