tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
