I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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