ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
