I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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