i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
