This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
