I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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