we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
