Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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