I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
