I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Randomize
