Three words: puerto rican gang bang
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
