you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
