she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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