thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
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