Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
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