You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
