Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Randomize
