I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
The best revenge is premature balding
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
