Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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