I just threw up on my dentist
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
