Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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