I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
