Where are you?
In a non slutty way
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You were trust falling into bushes
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
