Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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