I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
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