The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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