Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
