you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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