Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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