If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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