What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
