You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
