Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
