connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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