is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
