She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
