3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
