Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
