did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
