I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
