they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
