You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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