dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
