my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
