Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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