I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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