nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
