We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
