I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
